Men: What Not To Shop For Right Before Christmas…

20 Dec

The time to shop is running out this holiday season, and if you are the typical male, you probably either have just begun to think about venturing out into the malls OR you think you still have at least 5 days left. Be advised that as the time ticks away, your options are getting smaller and smaller. Which means you will enter the frenzied shopping world with limited options or worse… without a clue.  So what are possible choices for gifts to give your special lady this Christmas season?  Well, although I do not know what she likes, I can probably tell you what she doesn’t. Based on years of experience, I will share these ideas with you and the reasoning behind them so you can know what she is thinking (which puts you ahead of the curve already). Get ready… take notes:

    Do not buy her lingerie. You are thinking, “Why wouldn’t she like something sexy? Something pretty? Something that says I find her hot and attractive?”  Because that might be what you are thinking when you head out to buy it but that is not what it says when it gets unwrapped on Christmas day. First off, be honest—isn’t the person that swanky outfit is really for is YOU?  Yeah, it is.. and your little lady KNOWS that is what you are thinking! She also knows that because you picked YOUR favorite color, not hers.  It is also a fact that you go in to those stores without a CLUE as to what size we are.  So who do you envision in your mind when picking out the outfit?  Yup… the salesgirl. So if you buy a nightie that you think will look good and fit Stacie the Sexy Saleschick, I’d bet money it might not be the best choice for your lady.  It’s a no-win situation. If you really want her to get something alluring, show her a store catalog, ask her what she likes and what size she’d wear… and remember!!!!
    Do not buy her perfume. Unless she has taped a sample vial or an advertisement from a magazine to your car’s dashboard or the bathroom mirror with a note that says “This One”, don’t bother. What you like most likely won’t be what she likes. Not to mention, what it smells like in the bottle probably won’t come close to smelling the same way when your princess puts it on her.  And even more so?  Just because the Susan the Sexy Saleschick smells good in a specific perfume doesn’t mean your girl will smell good in it or even like it all all. If you really want your Mrs. Claus to smell yummy, get her a gift card and go with her when she uses it. Or better yet, pick her up a current fashion magazine, lift up each of the sample flaps, and ask her what is her favorite is. And let her know if you like it too!
    Do not buy her appliances. Even if she makes a list of things she NEEDS for Christmas, only get her things she WANTS. No woman WANTS appliances. The only exception to this rule is if your girlfriend or wife has a hobby that involves the kitchen in some way. For example, a woman would find it romantic if you took the time to find her special spatulas or baking stones if she enjoys making cakes or candies during her down time. That is a good thing. A woman would NOT find it romantic if you get her a turbo-nuclear microwave so she can heat up your leftovers faster in the evening. And giving her things with a blade or a sharp edge only provides her a weapon to use on you if you mess up on any other gifts. If you really want to get your significant other something she might like using in the kitchen, ask her what things every person with her hobby or interest has that she doesn’t.
    Do not buy her anything relating to her car. This includes gift certificates for car washes, oil changes, gas fill ups, a snow scraper, new wiper blades, floor mats, or seat covers. Even though she will insist to you that she is a modern day woman and can handle anything and everything in regards to the car herself (which she can, don’t patronize her!), deep down she still wants you to do it.  If you really want to give her anything in regards to her vehicle, a nice, feminine engraved keychain with a special sentiment is always a gift from the heart that will be cherished all year.
    Do not give her cash. Dude, that’s just tacky. And shows laziness beyond belief. But you are probably saying “But what is the difference between cash and a gift card??”  There is a BIG difference whacknut! Cash means you don’t care. A gift card means you went into the store, looked around, knew there were things in there that she would like and YOU liked and wanted her to be able to pick out exactly what will make her happy. It also means you are looking forward to the day that you will take her to a nice lunch and to the mall so you can smile as she tries on clothes and shoes for hours with you. And you pretend, with your best lying face possible, that you are enjoying every minute of it more than you enjoy life itself….GOT IT?

So what are safe bets this late in the shopping season?  Well, I’m not expert, but here are some no fail gifts that any woman would most likely be happy with. Remember we all aren’t the same, but we are pretty close:

    – Jewelry (necklaces and bracelets especially)
    – Reservations for a weekend getaway (bed and breakfast, romantic suite)
    – Maid service for a month/year
    – Tickets to a show SHE would like to see
    – All the fixings for a “date night” (dinner gift certificate, movie tickets and a gift card to buy a special outfit)
    – A large, framed print of a photo that means a lot to her (a place you went this year, a special event)
    – And when all else fails, gift cards to places such as:

    * Macy’s * …………. * Sephora * …………………… * Victoria’s Secret *
    * Pottery Barn * ….. * Williams & Sonoma *……….* JC Penney’s *
    * TJ Maxx * ……….. * Marshall’s * ……………………* Yankee Candle *

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