The Midlife Crisis of a Sassinista….

14 Apr

MidlifeCrisis
Okay, so this post doesn’t have a whole lot to do with fashion and glamour. In a way it will, since my solutions include them. But it’s more about feelings. Oh, see? There goes all the male readers, shutting down their iPads and heading to the fridge the minute they read the word “feelings.” Most men will agree that women + feelings + emotions + conversation = MIGRAINE or DISASTER. Scotch or exercise. Or doing anything that hasn’t been done in months around the house that suddenly needs tending to, so they can avoid the topic like the plague. (“Yeah, umm, honey? I’m going to take care of that thing by the shed. You know, that thing!”) I truly believe emotional fashionistas are walking time bombs. We are one sad news story or spilling wine on a white bebe top away from just losing our shit. And it’s not pretty. OH, it’s not pretty at all.

I go through this stage–lasting from a day to a month–probably once a year or so. It happens more frequently than before so I kind of write it off to a midlife crisis…that happens frequently. So you see, this isn’t new to me. When it does happen, it tends to happen in winter. Medical professionals might diagnose it as having “SAD” which stands for “seasonal affective disorder”. Doctors are still perplexed about these winter-related shifts in mood. Blah blah Vitamin D deficient, blah blah seratonin decrease, blah blah lack of sun. WHAT-EV-AH! All I know is it makes me feel old and lifeless. This year, I have to say, it didn’t hit till now. A little late this year, according to Dr. Mood Disorders. I’ve been riding pretty steady the past few years, surfing the confident and contentment wave for a while. Happy with my work, happy at home, happy about life. But lately, kind of out of nowhere, I have hit a wall. And I’ve hit it HARD. I am blah about feeling BLAH! Oh, and I refuse to go the “Oh I hate my life. Nobody likes me. My work is so unfulfilling” bullshit route. I know I have good days, days I love! But right now, all I know, is I am having a midlife meltdown. I’m in a solid funk.

What does it feel like when a Sassinista gets in a funk? Anything and everything. (AKA: Be afraid!) To me, I feel “old”, I look “old”, I can’t remember what I said five minutes ago and I already forgot what I was going to say next. I have this pathetic feeling that I everyone I encounter will piss me off, and most times they usually do. Driving to the store gets radioed out to law officers ahead of time that a redhead in a four-wheeled weapon is on the road and all should proceed with caution. I sometimes think I could lock myself in my closet with my iPhone or iPad (of course), a bottle of Red Coke and a box of oatmeal cookies for a week or maybe two and I’d be thrilled. But the fact is, I need to make some changes. And it’s up to me to turn it around.

So how did it come to this? I don’t think I would be wrong in saying that the weather here HASN’T helped. One day it’s sunny, the next it’s cold and windy, sometimes we go for days without any sun. It rains, it snows, it sleets at any given time without warning. (That would be right now in fact.) I could spoil myself at the mall in a pair of leopard espadrilles (that’s a wedge-type sandal) with boyfriend jeans, feeling all primped and pumped, only to leave and see an inch of snow on my car. Like… WTF is up with that! Because of being cooped up through all this, I get stir crazy at home. I sleep a lot, I get restless a lot. I get grumpy a lot. I eat a lot. Or I eat nothing at all! Even if I treated myself to a little “retail therapy” or “food fixation”, I’d feel okay for a bit then I’d feel bad about it later. It’s a vicious circle that I’m just spinning around in, day after day.

So the question becomes… how do I emotionally, physically, mentally and financially get out of this funk without losing a friend, cleaning out the shoe department of Macy’s, making Xanax my meal of choice for breakfast, or just grabbing a few necessities and moving into the shed? The “good” news is I’m not alone with this. (Oh my God, you mean there’s more of me?) Doctors see it all winter long. Some of my friends get in the rut. But I don’t think it’s just a “pop a pill” situation. I think a lot of the fixing has to be done slow, from the inside, and with a lot of help … by myself. Now granted, if I thought this was serious in any way, I’d be at an M.D. in a heartbeat. But since my funk has funked me before (that sounded funny!) it’s a case of just doing little things to slowly get out of this. And with the calendar on my side, there is hope. So I’ve listed some things I do or try to do when I need to do some “funk-busting”. These things are not for everyone. Lord KNOWS they aren’t for everyone, but if something tickles your fancy, smile and consider doing it:

Sassy’s Personal Funkbusters:

1). DO SOMETHING…ANYTHING! Laying in bed, shutting yourself away from society is not going to help your blah mood. Even if its just reading a magazine at the book store, hitting a coffee shop with a friend, doing work on the iPad, or taking photos…do SOMETHING out of the house. The fresh air–no matter how cold or wet–is better than being droopy in bed watching endless episodes of Law & Order SVU.

2). Get a haircut. If its been a while, take some time to revamp your hair. You don’t need to do anything drastic either. Your can always try playing with a new color, but I love my auburn and wouldn’t mess with it. But a nice trim, followed by a home warm coconut oil or yogurt masque will give you AND your hair a major boost.

3). Get a manicure. Just to have someone massage then hold my hands then paint my nails for an hour is well worth the small price. Pick out a color that will match the mood you want. Plus salon mani’s are good for you nail strength.

4). Go for a small walk. Yeah, I know… BORING! But go for a walk at the nearest mall. Hell, bring a coffee. Yes, it’s good exercise but take it in as a sight seeing tour. Look at everyone around you. Try to guess what they are thinking. Make up stories for different people. It’s almost like making your own movie in your head!

5). Watch your favorite sad movie. Watch it all alone with a box of tissues and cry your mother-loving eyes out. Sometimes a good cry is cleansing. Think that all these negatives you feel that you are surrounded with are being washed out. Then have an ice cream or a cupcake and depuff your eyes with cold cucumber slices. Shhh. I won’t tell.

6). Play beauty parlor. Put yourself in front of a mirror, drag out every hair styling tool and styling product. Take all your makeup brushes and your glamour selection and go to town. Grab a couple of magazines with new seasonal looks in them and practice. Take a pic or two of each look with your phone so you can see what you like and mistakes you can avoid in the future. Be daring, be adventurous!

7). Go shopping. Yes, retail therapy is costly and only temporary, but you don’t have to let it be. Research local consignment shops and thrift stores in your community. Do some second-hand browsing! It keeps your purchase costs down and local business thriving too.

8). Find a new fragrance. Go to your local high end store and sniff away. Don’t forget to cleanse your senses with coffee beans after every third sniff (just put a few in a zippy bag and bring it along with you.) Also bring two extra baggies with cotton balls in them. After trying as many as you can, spritz your two faves in each bag, zip it up and keep them. Take them home and try them again tomorrow. It sometimes takes a day or so for all the notes to come to the surface. Once you find one that lifts you up?–go for it.

9). Volunteer. Shelters, food banks, hospitals, nursing homes… they are always looking for people to put a smile on their residents faces. Maybe you can do your daughter’s nails or her friend’s nails! You’ll find yourself smiling in no time too!

….and lastly….

10). Get a tattoo or something pierced. Seriously, this is NOT for everyone, but patheticly it is for me. Does pain infliction cause me to feel younger? No, but I gotta say I feel high as a kite for months after I get some new ink. I dunno.

I hope none of you are in a “screw everybody” mood like me, but if you are, take some pleasure in knowing you’re not alone. Let’s hope these blues make way for some bright clear skies, warmer temps, pretty flowers and glamour and fashion galore! Don’t let your mood get the best of you. Chomp away at those blahs, one small bite at a time and soon you’ll be flying high again!

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