Tag Archives: self-esteem

How “Out There” Are You?

28 Jul

Way outAbout six months ago, as my followers know, I took on a part time position in my local, favorite tattoo shop. Except for the fact that I have to set an alarm each night and pack a healthy lunch (which I usually don’t eat), my job doesn’t take me too far out of my natural element. I get to wear cool clothes that I love (as long as I don’t look like a Vegas hooker), I get to talk!, I feel useful, and I spend time with people I like. That’s pretty freaking awesome.

I’ll be honest, although my style of clothes before going back to work was pretty much casual yet edgy, I still stayed a little under the radar. I’d wear something now and then that would “pop”, but never anything that caused a stare. (My self esteem is still under construction.) But I do have to say, spending a few hours a day in a “no holds barred” atmosphere has brought me out of my shell a little more than before. Trust me, this isn’t a bad thing. Well, as long as I keep my wild side within reason.

I won’t deny the fact that the combination of being a writer and keeping in the loop about what’s hot in the glamour industry has definitely allowed me to be not just more “me” but a little more daring as well. Before I started as a writer, I was borderline fashionably pathetic. I probably owned only three pairs of jeans. (And not very stylish ones either.) I had one neutral lipstick and a trio pallet of neutral shadows. My shoe collection could fit in a dresser drawer and I maybe had two purses–the all the time purse and the funeral/out to dinner purse. Okay, so I’ve grown. I have evolved. And…I must say…so has my closet & makeup drawer. It took a while, a few trial & errors, but I think I’ve found MY style. But you have to be careful, you see. Because in this industry–and in this world–it’s easy to get comfortable in a zone. That’s okay, but you still need to always be learning. Be evolving. Be daring. I don’t care who you are or what you do: you can NEVER settle. Period.

So, what are a few things that I probably would never have considered putting in my fashion and glamour ensemble THEN that I might seriously consider NOW? Now that I’m more “out there”? Here are a few things I’d consider:

Betsey Johnson** Betsey Johnson Gold-Tone Crystal Skull Three-Row Pendant Necklace**
Equal parts edgy and cute, this Betsey Johnson three-row necklace boasts strands of faux pearls, faceted beads, and heart-shaped charms. This skull (yes I said skull!) pendant is embellished with glass crystals and complemented with a pink bow. Gritty and girly! This mix of colored metals makes for a great statement piece sure to make people look. Macy’s, $35.00

Buckle shirt**Sinful Sea Wings T-Shirt**
This glitter graphic v-neck t-shirt takes fashion to another level with back lace-up detailing, crocheted raw edging, and hot pink sparkle detailing on a black background. There is no hiding in this shirt. Wearing it might not make you “sinful”, but you’ll still look damn good! You wear it and you WILL be noticed! Buckle, $44.00

Animal print**Leopard Print Maxi Skirt**
It’s fun to get a little wild when you wear this animal print, free-flowing maxi skirt that is perfect for summer. Featuring a soft knit body and wide foldover waistband, this skirt may be flowy and comfortable but still rocks a fun pattern. Jazz it with a crop top or comfy tee, some cool gladiator sandals and even a fun wide-brimmed hat for a down to earth safari look that’s not too over the top. Wetseal, $19.90

Valentino Bag**Valentino Leather Rockstud Crossbody**
Okay, we can all dream. And I’ll be honest: if a legal windfall dropped into my checking account today, this baby would be on a delivery truck in less than 24 hours. This purse is SO outside my norm, it’s not even funny. First, I’d have trouble convincing myself that ANYONE could use a purse at that price. Second, being a redhead just doesn’t seem to scream for anything pink in my closet. And third… did I mention the price already? This purse über designer and heavy metal in more ways than one. The color is bold and pretty over the top. But if you are daring and can afford it… DO IT! (BTW? It also matches the Buckle Wings T-Shirt above–just something to think about.) TJMaxx.com, $1099.99

Aqua liner**Aqua Liquid Eye Liner**
Aqua is the new black? Not really, but a change in your eyeliner look can really turn heads. I was thrilled to have a place to wear a heavy-liner look each day when I left for work. Then all these cool colors came out! Liquid Eye goes on with a smooth, easy application–no tugging–but still gives you that bold, liquid look. Use it alone with a neutral shadow, or layer it over black for a seductive look with an edge (that’s what I do). The Liner glides on effortlessly and stays in place for smudge-proof, long-lasting wear–up to 24 hours! Plus it’s 100% paraben-free, so you can be sure your wild look is also a gentle one. Milani Cosmetics, $6.99

So, are you ready? Are you going to challenge yourself to put yourself out there? Go a little bit beyond your comfort zone? Do it! It’s fun, lifts your spirits, kicks up your self esteem, and widens your “out of the box” options! For me? It’s become fun to introduce my glamour routine to something new and exciting. And I can’t deny…it’s a nice little ego boost to catch someone grabbing a second glance. I would be willing to bet that you’d like it too!


A Random Sassy Blogpost: “Approachable”

22 May

imageThis isn’t going to be a long, involved blog post. Actually I am writing it on a whim after a nice light dinner with my husband recently. I don’t know if its because I’m a writer, I used to host a radio talk show or I’m just blessed with the gift of gab. I can–and I will!–talk about anything and everything as long as I have someone to lend an ear. If someone asks me for advice? Oh that’s even better. It’s like a Rachel Zoe meets Dr. Phil combo. And if you need fashion, makeup or glamour advice? Holy smokes, turn on your video cameras because you are about to get a personalized version of Project Runway for the next hour+. I love the business and for someone to ask my help with it is such an honor.

With that being said, I told my husband over dinner about a woman who needed help finding something at the mall yesterday. She was hoping I worked for the store so she could get her question answered. I told her that I didn’t but if she wanted to ask me anyways, I’d see what I could do to help. With a heavy foreign accent, I managed to figure out she was looking for “special” female clothing. “Lingerie” to be exact. Bless her heart–you go girl! I made the explanation of where she had to go as simple as possible, and she was so happy. She walked away thanking me then thanking me some more with a smile on her face bigger than the sun. All I could do was smile back. I took the time to make her feel important and that, in turn, made her feel like royalty. How awesome is that?

My 18 year-old daughter, who was shopping with me, didn’t get it. She didn’t understand why. Why she would ask ME for help, why I WOULD go out of my way to offer my help, why I would ask the customer later on when I saw her in the mall if she found what she was looking for, and why did it make me so happy to help her out? I thought about that for a while. After a long time processing it all, only one word kept coming to mind:



imageMost of my life, because of the turbulent relationship I was in then, I didn’t talk to hardly anyone. I didn’t want to be noticed let alone STAND OUT. I wanted to blend in. I didn’t want to be heard or seen. You see, then that would mean I was drawing attention to myself. And that was a no-no with my then significant other. His goal was to make me “ordinary”, “plain” and “mediocre” and because of his intimidating ways, I became just that. He won. But not for long.

It took a LONG time after leaving that relationship for me to “find myself”. I know it sounds so cliche, but it really was true. I had to learn not to stare at the floor when I was around other people. I had to train myself to talk to strangers. I had to find confidence to wear something that wasn’t on the Brady Bunch first. I had to realized that I deserved everything I wanted, got and had….and more. It isn’t easy. This doesn’t happen in a one semester night class either. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes determination. It takes change. It takes courage. Which means stepping out of your comfort zone. Which means starting to make eye contact with people. Which means taking a compliment by simply smiling and saying “thank you” instead of excusing it with some ridiculous answer. It means telling yourself you mean something in this world and believing it. It means having self confidence. On flashionista.com, it says the following:

“Confidence is sexier Than a Push-up Bra! Clothes, jewels, cars, and cash are lovely, but self-confidence is the ultimate accessory. It can’t be bought, but it can be had.”


imageAfter you reach a milestone of assurance (and it is constantly changing) not only do you feel it, but it starts to show. Not through possessing material things or associating yourself with people who are within 6-degrees of Kevin Bacon. It is in the way you walk, in how you talk, how you carry yourself. It’s the aura that surrounds you, the invisible glow of “I. Am. Awesome.” That’s not you being conceited, that you being self-confident. And being self-confident makes you an open, inviting, personable person. It makes you approachable. And girl?……that is awesome!!

I challenge all of you to step outside of your comfort zone today. Wear something that’s so not you. Paint those lips pretty. Go to a movie…alone…and enjoy having the popcorn all to yourself. Give out five sincere compliments–smile when you say them and mean it! Wear heels and walk tall. Flash a smile at a stranger but don’t hang your head or walk away. See if you get a smile back! You are smiling at them, acknowledging you appreciate their presence. You are not asking for a hook up! And if they think otherwise, remember, YOU are in control! Get in the car, turn up YOUR music! Sing along and dance if your want. Who cares? It’s YOU who matters!

This won’t happen overnight. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE! Fifteen years later and sometimes it’s still not easy. But it’s a step in the right direction. A big step. And before you know it… those steps will be taking you in a direction that’s new, but one you’ll soon be comfortable in!!