Tag Archives: confidence

Honk If You’re ….Awesome!

11 Jul

ConfidenceToday was another standard day at my “regular” job. Appointments went smooth, customers were great, conversations were fun. My day ended early, however, because I had an appointment to get some routine maintenance done on my car. On my way to my parking spot, it’s standard procedure for me to cross a very busy road. The closer to rush hour, the busier it is. Today I left before the car chaos began but it was still pretty busy. Before I even got to the curb to cross the road to my car, a large flatbed truck with three guys in it approached my sidewalk position. As I stopped for the fast-moving traffic, the truck occupants proceeded to honk, wave and stare. I’d be shocked if it was the first time this happened, but it wasn’t. Not to blow my own horn (pardon the pun), but it happens about 2-3 times a week. Some women would be shocked or even offended, but at this point, it doesn’t phase me anymore. Some men will just be men. I will take it as a compliment.

Now don’t think I’m a conceited princess who thinks the world stops when I enter a room or walk out a door. In fact, I’m just the opposite. I was the ultimate dork in high school (which was a quite a while ago). Even now, I hate my teeth, I have no boobs, I’m too thin, and I’m trying to get through a major hair mishap that happened six months ago. Sure, my husband tells me I’m beautiful, but I think it’s unwritten marriage law he needs to a few times a month. (He means it though, I know.) Women often express displeasure with my size. The fact that I can eat the entire drive-thru menu at McDonalds for lunch and never gain a pound does not make me many friends. The phrase, “I hate you for that!” has been said on more than one occasion. Seriously, do I have to show you photos of my healthy 6’3″ father who only weighed 160 lbs? Come on people… Please. It’s genetics and metabolism–don’t hate the gene pool.

In my opinion, I’m not beautiful, not gorgeous and barely average. So, why do I get honks, waves and smiles? Well an easy answer could be that I work in a town where there aren’t many “average” girls, but that’s not true. I think it goes beyond that. In fact, it goes into an area where we all could take a lesson or two. And guess what? I’m going to give it to you.
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Being “attractive” goes beyond skin deep. Granted, taking care of yourself to keep your skin in great condition and using products to slow the hands of time doesn’t hurt. Wearing the things that fit right and make you look pretty is a plus too. Taking care of your mind, body and soul is youthful–inside and out. But a lot of what turns heads isn’t on the surface. It’s other things. Three simple things, actually:

Smile. A nice smile doesn’t just light up your face, it lights up your soul. It illuminates you. You shine. I don’t care if your teeth need a bleaching or your lips are chapped. A smile shows the world you are happy where you are and life is good. Who wouldn’t appreciate that? You’ve dealt with everything life has dealt you and you’ve still survived with a smile. That’s appealing (and intriguing) to many!

Walk tall. Walk with a spring in your step. Walk like you have someplace important to be. Walk like YOU are important. This stirs curiosity. Who is this girl? What is she doing? Where is she going? People will think “I want to do what she’s doing!” or “Holy composed, Batman, who is THAT?!” There doesn’t have to be a reason for you to bleed confidence–you just have to hold yourself, walk, talk, and stand like you own the world in the palm of your hand. Practice. Put on a pair of heels and stand in front of a mirror. Stand straight. Shoulders back. Smile. Tilt your head. Don’t pose like a hussy but stand like you are royalty. A little confidence goes a long way.

Start the day & finish the day with class. It doesn’t matter if you work 9-5, spend the day running errands or are labeled as the mom taxi. You have no reason to look “frumpy”. Ever. EVER! Even if you stay home all day doing dishes and vacuuming, you better put on some lipstick and mascara to get the mail. Yes, the MAIL! There is no excuse for you not to put on something to make you feel good about yourself: makeup, perfume, your favorite top, tight jeans, jazzy shoes. Anything. Just pamper yourself. You deserve it! Whether it be for three minutes or three hours, treat yourself nice. No matter how boring or routine your day is, lift yourself up. It will lighten your spirits and others will notice. Now, also remember this–how you start the day is how you should end it. Keep your hair neat, makeup fresh, lips tinted, standing strong, being happy. From start to finish–even if you have to paint on a smile–finish the day strong. No matter how tired or drained you are, let no one see it. To them…AND you?
You. Are. Invincible.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Doing these things doesn’t guarantee you a horn honk crossing through the parking lot at your local CVS. But you will at least get you a look from both men and women. Men are attracted and curious about your confidence, your tenacity, your spirit. Women will look too, of course. They will look you over–head to toe (oh, you know that’s how they are). They may be curious about your assurance, your poise and your certainty, but like a typical female, they will also check out your shoes and bag! The fact is, you walked into a room like you owned it. Even though you might be falling apart on the inside, you are totally together on the out. This confidence will not just lift you up to a whole new level, but you’ll be surprised… you might even get a honk or two. Or ten!

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A Random Sassy Blogpost: “Approachable”

22 May

imageThis isn’t going to be a long, involved blog post. Actually I am writing it on a whim after a nice light dinner with my husband recently. I don’t know if its because I’m a writer, I used to host a radio talk show or I’m just blessed with the gift of gab. I can–and I will!–talk about anything and everything as long as I have someone to lend an ear. If someone asks me for advice? Oh that’s even better. It’s like a Rachel Zoe meets Dr. Phil combo. And if you need fashion, makeup or glamour advice? Holy smokes, turn on your video cameras because you are about to get a personalized version of Project Runway for the next hour+. I love the business and for someone to ask my help with it is such an honor.

With that being said, I told my husband over dinner about a woman who needed help finding something at the mall yesterday. She was hoping I worked for the store so she could get her question answered. I told her that I didn’t but if she wanted to ask me anyways, I’d see what I could do to help. With a heavy foreign accent, I managed to figure out she was looking for “special” female clothing. “Lingerie” to be exact. Bless her heart–you go girl! I made the explanation of where she had to go as simple as possible, and she was so happy. She walked away thanking me then thanking me some more with a smile on her face bigger than the sun. All I could do was smile back. I took the time to make her feel important and that, in turn, made her feel like royalty. How awesome is that?

My 18 year-old daughter, who was shopping with me, didn’t get it. She didn’t understand why. Why she would ask ME for help, why I WOULD go out of my way to offer my help, why I would ask the customer later on when I saw her in the mall if she found what she was looking for, and why did it make me so happy to help her out? I thought about that for a while. After a long time processing it all, only one word kept coming to mind:

Approachable

 

imageMost of my life, because of the turbulent relationship I was in then, I didn’t talk to hardly anyone. I didn’t want to be noticed let alone STAND OUT. I wanted to blend in. I didn’t want to be heard or seen. You see, then that would mean I was drawing attention to myself. And that was a no-no with my then significant other. His goal was to make me “ordinary”, “plain” and “mediocre” and because of his intimidating ways, I became just that. He won. But not for long.

It took a LONG time after leaving that relationship for me to “find myself”. I know it sounds so cliche, but it really was true. I had to learn not to stare at the floor when I was around other people. I had to train myself to talk to strangers. I had to find confidence to wear something that wasn’t on the Brady Bunch first. I had to realized that I deserved everything I wanted, got and had….and more. It isn’t easy. This doesn’t happen in a one semester night class either. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes determination. It takes change. It takes courage. Which means stepping out of your comfort zone. Which means starting to make eye contact with people. Which means taking a compliment by simply smiling and saying “thank you” instead of excusing it with some ridiculous answer. It means telling yourself you mean something in this world and believing it. It means having self confidence. On flashionista.com, it says the following:

“Confidence is sexier Than a Push-up Bra! Clothes, jewels, cars, and cash are lovely, but self-confidence is the ultimate accessory. It can’t be bought, but it can be had.”

Bazinga.

imageAfter you reach a milestone of assurance (and it is constantly changing) not only do you feel it, but it starts to show. Not through possessing material things or associating yourself with people who are within 6-degrees of Kevin Bacon. It is in the way you walk, in how you talk, how you carry yourself. It’s the aura that surrounds you, the invisible glow of “I. Am. Awesome.” That’s not you being conceited, that you being self-confident. And being self-confident makes you an open, inviting, personable person. It makes you approachable. And girl?……that is awesome!!

I challenge all of you to step outside of your comfort zone today. Wear something that’s so not you. Paint those lips pretty. Go to a movie…alone…and enjoy having the popcorn all to yourself. Give out five sincere compliments–smile when you say them and mean it! Wear heels and walk tall. Flash a smile at a stranger but don’t hang your head or walk away. See if you get a smile back! You are smiling at them, acknowledging you appreciate their presence. You are not asking for a hook up! And if they think otherwise, remember, YOU are in control! Get in the car, turn up YOUR music! Sing along and dance if your want. Who cares? It’s YOU who matters!

This won’t happen overnight. TRUST ME ON THAT ONE! Fifteen years later and sometimes it’s still not easy. But it’s a step in the right direction. A big step. And before you know it… those steps will be taking you in a direction that’s new, but one you’ll soon be comfortable in!!

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Letter From “The Editor” – Color My World

23 Nov

As I flipped through the fashion magazines that have been sent to me so far this month, one of my magazines really caught my interest. It wasn’t its beautiful fashions, make up looks, hair styles or flashy ads that made me take notice. It was its editor’s letter. Although I know that all magazines have a Letter from the Editor, it made me think about me and my own blog. I realize that each of my blog entries is written from the heart to all of my readers, kind of like a personal letter to each of you. I thought though that it might be nice to do my own version of a magazine’s Editor’s Letter and maybe start a new monthly trend. So here we go…


As I look at the load of laundry on my bedroom floor, I am mentally categorizing which basket I will have to put each piece of clothing in when I bring it to the basement to wash. I see jeans, a black sweater, a black pair of pants, a white t-shirt, a black sweater, a grey cami, a black cami, another black sweater, ANOTHER black sweater, a grey sweater, a grey cardigan, black socks, white socks, a black cardigan, a black pullover. Oh, and a purple tunic. ONE colorful item. You sensing a trend here?  Approximately 20 pieces of clothing, and only one of them had a color that did not appear on a TV show till after 1956. How come I didn’t notice until now that I was about as colorful as a character from one of the first episodes of “The Dick Van Dyke Show”?


When I go clothes shopping with my daughter, she always yells at me saying I seem to leave with tons of colorful bags, but they all seemed to be filled with items from the same color line: black and white. *Sigh* She is right. I must confess… I am afraid of color. I think that is because I have a powerfully pale skin tone and raging auburn red hair, and I feel that wearing color might draw attention to a potentially huge multi-hued faux pas. A horrific clashing of my coloring with my fashion shades. So I stick with blacks, whites, and shades that fall in between. The ultimate in safe. Only last year did I add two new colors to my wardrobe—purple and brown. Not really vibrant, huh? Sure, I have maybe an item or two of some other colors–lime green, gold, turquoise. But there they sit, tucked away in the back of the closet, sad and virtually unworn. Yawn.


Although standing out is something I never wanted to do in high school, I actually embrace it now that I’m older. The problem is I like to stand out with new styles, not new colors. I have a jazzy new pair of platform boots. In black. I just received a stylish ruffled cardigan. In white. And I have an awesome fleece zebra-print belted jacket. Yup, of course, in white and black. I need to change my mindset. Fast. I need to put myself out there. Now that I think about it, I ask myself why haven’t I taken notice of this sooner? I have to say that wearing bright colors in fashion brings about a newer sense of confidence when I wear them. They are a mood lifter, a smile maker. They make me walk taller and encourage me to make eye contact with people that I hope will walk away and wonder, “Hmmm. Who is she?” Why wouldn’t I want that feeling more often???


Tomorrow I am heading out to the mall to take my cousin, who is visiting from Italy, shopping at some of the popular stores here in America. Being so close to the holidays, I most likely won’t be buying a lot of things. But I will make a promise to myself to get one thing—a sweater, a top, a jacket—that stands out and makes me feel good about me. Something bright and totally out of my element! I challenge you to do the same. Step outside of your fashion comfort zone. Go ahead be bold… I dare you!!!


Perfume: The Smell or the “Scent”?

9 Aug

I received a sample of a new perfume while visiting my make-up heaven a while back. I’m very hesitant to try new perfumes because I’m very particular about what I like. I generally have a cologne rule of thumb: if it smells like ass in the bottle to my nose, then it probably is going to smell like ass on my skin. This sample, however, was right up my alley. I tend to lean towards fruity, crisp, light scents and this had a tone of fresh summer berries to me. It wasn’t like wearing a fruit cobbler, but it was sassy and summery. I wore the sample for a week and decided to invest in a small bottle.

Most women will say they have their “signature scent” and wear the same perfume every day. I think women who do this are boring. I’m not like that at all. I tend to match my perfumes to different things: weather, mood, clothes, occasion. I don’t have a ton of fragrances, but enough to change it up when I feel like it. Keep it interesting, I say. I feel the same about men’s scents too. Don’t bore me with the repetitive “in” fragrance of the year. Keep me curious. I once dated a guy who wore Polo Green, every day, by the handful, for our entire relationship. We dated for over 5 years. And yes, it was in the eighties. To this day, I cannot smell that cologne on a man without my stomach turning every time. It may be from the memories of big hair and gummy bracelets. But I’m leaning towards the Polo.

When it comes to perfume advertising, I have noticed that all of the ads in the media portray perfume to be the “missing link” to a connection with the opposite sex. Smell good? Get lucky. Rub this here? Get rubbed there. The industry even “teaches” us to put spritz cologne where our bathing suit covers! Fashionably, perfume is similar to clothing. You wear it as a reflection of your style. It’s no different than wearing your favorite jeans, your sexiest top, your designer shoes, or your Fredericks’ unmentionables. And honestly, who do you want to notice your fashion statement more than anyone? My guess is male prospective possibilities! Think about it. You’ll pour yourself into a pair of pants and know you won’t be able to sit all night just to make your butt look good for the bartender of your favorite club. You’ll jam your blistered toes into a pair of pumps that are as comfortable as wearing tomato soup cans on your feet just so you can strut for the executive who sits by the window of the coffee shop that you pass each day. You’ll do all that for someone else’s attention. But this is where perfume veers off the fashion highway. Ultimately, who is the first person who will think you are sexier because of your new scent? The guy who is numb to anything except the smell of mojitos? The java junkie whose senses are steamed and frothed? Nope.

You.

Go out and get a new perfume that you are just dying to have. Watch and see how you act after you put on your new aroma. Maybe you’ll put your lipstick on a little darker. Or you will make your eyes look a little more smoldering. Maybe you’ll smile a little more flirtatiously. Or you will have a slight swank to your step. Now you take that aura that is newly surrounding you to the streets. You’ll notice people noticing you. They glance longer at you from across a room. They do the infamous “double take” as you walk though the market. They smile at you…just because! What is it? What’s new? Is it because you smell different? Nope. It’s because you are giving off a new “scent”. A scent of self confidence. A scent of assurance. A scent of sexiness.

“Happiness is like perfume. You can’t give it away without getting a little on yourself.” – Anonymous. When it comes to feeling sexy, there is a fine line between the enticing smell your perfume gives off and the seductive “scent” you emit yourself. You owe it to yourself to cross that line. Dare to put yourself out there and own the sexiness that only you can feel with a scent you love!

(By the way? The perfume I recently ordered and almost attacked my UPS man for was Escada’s Moon Sparkle.  He had no clue what was in the box, but I guarantee you he wanted to know!!)