“Cougars” On The Prowl…

17 Oct

The definition of a cougar from dictionary.com reads as follows:
“A large, tawny cat, Felis concolor, of North and South America: now greatly reduced in number and endangered in some areas.”

 The definition of a cougar from therealcougarwoman.com states:
“She is style, she is grace, she is smart, she is a leader. She has worked hard, learned a lot and excelled at whatever she chose to do. She doesn’t ever have to apologize for being successful – she has earned her stripes.”

 Then there is the definition that everything2.com gives us:
“…a woman over the age of 35 who is single or divorced (the more times, the better) who seeks out younger males for sex. Cougars can be tacky women with big hair and loud mouths or they can be graceful and eloquent. Either way, their attraction to younger men is always apparent in their social habits and body language.”

Hmmm. Let’s work with that last one, shall we?

 Last week, my husband and I decided to go out and have a couple of drinks at a local bar/restaurant that we are fond of. We decided to go out early and get home before the weekend Happy Hour craziness began. After a microbrew beer for him and an appletini for me, a shared plate of killer chicken wings, and some humorous conversation, we headed back out for home. On our way to the car, we passed a couple on their way to the entrance. The guy seemed to be in his late 20’s, decent shape, nicely dressed. The woman looked in her mid 40’s, good body with tight clothes outdated hairstyle and a little too much makeup. After we got in our vehicle, my husband turned to me and said, “Check her out, she’s a cougar just like you.” WTF?

 I do not hide the fact that I’m older than my husband. It’s just a little over five years. When we met, I was 30 and he was just about to turn 25. He acted older, I acted my age, so it all balanced out. Of course when we talk about our school days he gets his kicks by joking that when I was picking up my diploma, he was picking up his Scooby Doo lunchbox. Ha ha, real funny. Fast forward to now with me being in my early 40’s and him being in his mid 30’s. That’s like no big whoop at this stage in our life. Now I act younger, he still acts older. I think I’ve even managed to take care of myself so I can pull off looking younger than him too. I’m not sure if that thrills him completely, but hey… it works for me. I often thought that because I was a mom who looked good and younger than she actually was, I would be thought of more as a “MILF” than a cougar. After being skeeved out when my nephew—eight years younger than me—said one of his friends referred to me as a MILF, I processed it a bit and then took it as a compliment. Especially as I made my way through my 30’s. Then somewhere along the way, this cougar thing came to life. 

I’m sure there were many others, but the most famous cougar portrayed on screen was in the infamous movie, The Graduate. “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?” Oh yes she was, and oh yes she did. The way cougars are portrayed on TV is not flattering, especially when I think the most well-known cougar of my day was Blanche from “The Golden Girls”. When I think of a woman who is a cougar, I get a vision of some lady who looks like my late Aunt Gail, a bleached blonde, 50 year-old alcoholic who, when I was younger, would get frisky on gin and tonics and grab young waiters’ butts when we went out to dinner with her and my parents. Now I know why we didn’t go out with Aunt Gail much. The thought of me reaching the age where I was in the same category as Blanche and Aunt Gail made me a little queasy. Maybe it was the backlash of the wings I had ate, but I doubt it.

 Hollywood’s selection of cougars ranges from tolerable to terrible. Let’s take the well-known gossip source TMZ for example. A few of their featured cougars include: Sophia Loren (age 73); Kim Cattrall (age 52); Demi Moore (age 45); Christy Brinkley (age 54); and Bo Derek (age 51). Most of those names are of stars that I grew up watching—clothed and naked. I remember when Bo Derek came out in the movie “10”. I was young and she was old THEN. Now, according to the cougar fad AND my husband, I’m in the same category as her? Being on the same level as Demi or Teri Hatcher is something I can almost handle. Being on the same level as Sophia Loren or Cher is wrong on so many levels.

 I guess it’s an age thing. Twenty- to thirty-year olds can be MILFS. And a MILF can be married or single. They dress in chic, stylin’ clothes and drive a super-shiny SUV known as “the MILF-mobile”. The cougar is someone older and single, with their ages generally beginning around the mid- to late forties. They drive cars like a Lexus and dress in slinky outfits. From what I’m reading, she also seems to be really horny too. Maybe she is looking for someone with energy and stamina because she’s tired of guys her age acting like lumpy couch potatoes. As long as I can remember, older women would often joke about how they needed a “boy toy” during their mid-life crisis. In case you don’t know, a “boy toy” is a younger guy who would stroke a woman’s ego and was fun the play with when they got bored. The newest star to the cougar club, Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife Linda, is 49 and her boy toy is 19. He’s not even old enough to drink! He is old enough, however, to not be considered a felony.

 This epidemic has created all sorts of cougar-friendly websites. There are those for the self-proclaimed cougar looking a Viagra-free hunk to inject some fun and excitement in her life. Then there are the cougar hunters that either want to experience the older-woman fantasy or flat-out want a sugar mama to finance their cell phone and Xbox habits. There are no lessons involved for the cougars when it comes to finding a younger man. Why? Because they obviously have had A LOT of experience picking up men in general and do not need any “How To” tips. Young studs on the other hand have to do a little research because there is a big difference between how a cougar wants to be stimulated—physically and mentally—and what a girl his age wants. This is a whole new dating arena. Cougar-seekers need to be taught the difference between a “true” cougar and a hot older chick that has a jealous husband waiting to kick his ass. Where to find a cougar doesn’t change though. Bars and on-line dating services are still the most popular. Blind dates, however, happen almost never. Not many twenty-something girls offer to set their mom up with their boyfriend’s younger brother. Eww, that’s just gross. A possible porno scenario, but still gross.

 After I did my research on cougars, I informed my husband unless we became divorced and/or I became desperate, I will not allow myself to be considered as a member of this growing prowler population. I will hold my ground as the neighborhood MILF for as long as possible. I will continue to wear my fun form-fitting jeans, stylish tops, cool boots, and sparkly-yet-tasteful makeup. I will borrow my teenage-daughter’s clothing whenever possible. I will refuse to look my age and lie about it to anyone who might believe me. I will nominate any supermarket cashier for “Employee Of The Month” if they ask for my I.D. when I buy beer. But to be considered a cougar? Nope, not me. The closest thing I’ll get to being a cougar is wearing a light brown, faux-fur jacket with the purse to match.

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Organize Your Makeup…On The Cheap!

10 Oct

How would you like to organize all of your glamour goodies and restore sanity to your lavatory?

After being in the skin care and makeup industry for over 10 years, it is fair to say I have collected my fair share of items in my bathroom. Vanity drawers have been jammed with bottles, packets, pencils, tubes, sifters and applicators of all shapes and sizes. My husband, the loving tolerant man that he is, knows that I am a glamour junkie and my products are my haven. He also knows not to touch them or organize them in a way he thinks might be good for me. Even if I had yet to try that MAC.lip gloss trial I got with my last purchase, I’ll know in a heartbeat if it is missing from my drawer. Guess that’s my sample sonar going off!

I honestly tried to keep things under control with all kinds of categorizing. After a while, little dividers became big dividers, which became entire drawers, which became boxes, which invaded the bathroom counter, which became hell to my family. My stuff was everywhere and multiplying by the minute. Some of these things I loved and couldn’t be without, others were just not for me. Some things I used daily, some had never been opened. I think the day I realized I needed help was the day that I saw someone had done the New Yorker crossword puzzle with an Avon black eyeliner. I needed some sort of an organization system and fast.

One day, while shopping online with Staples for some general home office stuff, I noticed a sale going on for desk organizers. Hmmm. This might be a good thing. I had all of my paperclips, rubber bands, pencils, pens, highlighters and other desk-type goodies sorted out in my office. Why couldn’t I implement the same system in my bathroom with my makeup? I placed my regular office supplies order and in addition, I got myself this slammin’ little rotating desk organizer for my bathroom counter that was on sale. It had over 10 little compartments with room for all different sized items, took up very little room, and spun around for easy access. When it came the next day, I swear I heard angels sing as I took it out of the box. It was a methodical makeup miracle.

I held it tight like a caveman would hold onto fire, and rushed into the bathroom to fill it with all my goodies. There was a place for almost everything. Almost. I still have a drawer organizer to keep bigger items under control. And the counter still holds the big things, such as cleanser bottles, moisturizer jars and eye cream pumps. But the drawer consumption was down to just one, and the counter space that is being occupied is a quarter of what it had been. Just knowing where everything was and having it neat, right at my fingertips did not just bring sanity back to my home and family, but also cut my daily routine time down significantly.

A year later, my spinning organizer is still standing strong. The exact item I have is featured in the picture posted above. It is still available at staples.com and comes in a couple of different sizes. I paid approximately $7 for it, on sale. Without a doubt, it was the best glamour investment I ever made. In case you are wondering how I sorted my stash, I filled the compartments with the following:
* Makeup Brushes
* Lip Glosses
* Eye Liners
* Lip Liners
* Eye Creams
* Concealers
* Cotton Balls
* Q-Tips
* Eye Primer
* Samples I Want To Try
* Foundations
* Tweezers & Eye Lash Curlers

A small investment for a bit of bathroom sanity? Absolutely. Go for it, and have fun organizing!

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Getting Sample Crazy!!!

4 Oct

It is without a doubt that women love free samples. We act like it’s Christmas when we go to the mailbox and inside are colorful packets, tubes, bottles and squares of mini versions of what’s hot on the market. Sometimes we actually try them and like them so much that we go out and invest in the full sized product. Other times, we stash them in the bottom drawer of the bathroom for those “just in case” moments. Then there are times we just love the little buggers so much, we create a new name online and get more of the sample so we have something to put in our overnight bag.

 I recently asked a few of my blogger girlfriends to tell me where they go to get hot new samples. I also wanted to know what sample they got recently and fell in love with. Fell in love so hard that they actually wasted no time to go and buy the full sized product. I found that some discovered their new finds just recently, while others have been faithful after using the sample for many, many years. Here’s what they had to say:

Lancome’s Bi-Facil Double Action Eye Makeup Remover: “I got a small bottle [as] a gift with purchase and fell in love. It’s so gentle! I wear waterproof eye makeup every day and Bi-Facil makes it so easy to remove.” –Carol (age 48)

MD Skincare’s All-In-One Facial Cleanser With Toner: “Whenever I get samples of cleansers, I’m very hesitant to try them since my skin is so sensitive. I got a few sample packets when I was at my Sephora retail store a few weeks back. After one day I was in love! It’s very mild and can be used for all skin types. It’s cleans very thoroughly but is not drying at all. I bought the full size within a week! –Tammy (age 29)

Clinique All About Eyes Rich: “I swear, that stuff helped me get over a black eye fairly quick! I did buy the full size.” –1shell1

Beauty Bliss Cosmetic’s Original Mineral Foundation: “I told my friend I was in search of a good loose mineral foundation without any talc in it, because my face had become super sensitive. She suggested I try BBC’s foundation. It isn’t available in retail stores and can only be bought online. They offer samples of ANY of their mineral products at only $1.25 each. And the samples come in decent-sized jars! It’s nice to be able to try different shades without investing a ton. This foundation is amazing. Great coverage and I can match my skin tone perfectly. I’ll never use anything else.” –Lyn (age 42)

 Clinique’s Naturally Glossy Mascara: “I remember going to the mall with my Aunt when I was about 14 and she gave me the gift she got with her purchase. In it was a little green tube…and I tried it on in the car, I was in love. It was smooth and shiny and clump free and so black. I bought my first full sized tube not long after that, and that slim silver tube has occupied my makeup drawer ever since!” -Sally (age 25)

mark. Eye Shadows: “I have had bad luck with eye shadows not lasting so without the samples I most likely would not have tried them. These are really the best.” –Melissa (age 31)

mark. Glow Baby Glow Lip Gloss: “I got the sample of [this lip gloss] and ordered the full size. It lasts, has a natural color, and a great minty smell.” –Four4Me

Make Up For Ever’s HD Microfinish Powder: “When I got my sample…I almost gave it away but after using it I can’t imagine I went without before. I ordered the full size.” – Melissa (age 31) and “I love the MUFE HD powder too! I was a bit skeptical of the whiteness–but it’s really a great powder, I won’t use anything else now.” –Coalieluv

Bumble & Bumble’s Prep Spray, Thickening Spray & Thickening Shampoo: “My salon in Maine converted to a B&B salon and my stylist gave me a few samples to try. I’ve been hooked ever since. Prep Spray is my HG [holy grail] hair product. And I don’t even want to know what my hair would look like without Thickening Spray at the roots.” –Nicole (age 31)

Vera Wang’s Fragrance Princess: “I would smell the perfume all the time in magazine ads and every time I did, I would think to myself, ‘Man I MUST get some of this! It smells divine!’ It got to the point when I could just get a waft of it and I would immediately know it was Vera Wang Princess. I love the smell THAT much. So, I finally went and bought the biggest size Nordstroms had and I have never regretted it. It’s light, fresh and feminine, yet musky and sophisticated at the same time.” –Julie (age 22)

Very often you can find samples of all kinds of goodies at your local cosmetic stores or the counter at fine department stores. Don’t be afraid to ask! Many of the associates work on commission and your new addiction could be a bump in their paycheck meaning they’d be MORE than willing to help you out. If you aren’t out and about that much and find that your computer is your shopping heaven, click below to try out the following websites for cool samples too:

www.freesamplesblog.com (a great listing of free samples of ALL kinds!)
Wal-Mart Samples (everything from perfume to tampons—depends on the week)
Beauty Bliss Cosmetics (good sized, inexpensive samples of mineral foundation, blush & eye shadows)
mark. Cosmetics (if you ask nice, the rep may send you goodies!)
and of course… www.sephora.com (my favorite shopping heaven!)

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Cool Fall Nights, Hot Beauty Finds!

29 Sep

It is absolutely no secret that I am a makeup junkie. And it’s even more obvious that my favorite glamour getaway spot is Sephora. I remember the first time I went into a Sephora store was when my husband took me to New York City for the first time in my life and I went to the store in Times Square. I never knew a store like this existed. Growing up, makeup was the “Buy One Get One” goodies you got from the Avon Lady or the drugstore splurge you invested in when you went to pick up tampons. I remember I walked in the door and just began to drool. It was like the Disneyland of Glamour. They handed me a bib and a shopping basket and the addiction began.

 With school back in session and the trees turning from green to gold, I have already begun to add a few of the season’s hot fashions to my closet. The dark denim skinny jeans, long tunic sweaters, jazzy high boots, and lots of leather! But with all great outfits comes great accessories, and makeup is my favorite accessory of them all! The rich hues of the season can go right from your wardrobe onto your eyes and lips for a finished look with pizzazz.

 While I spent my hour of monthly therapy at my local Sephora, I came across some great finds that I think are a “must have” for this Fall. My cosmetic co-pay was spent on these must haves this season:

 

  • MDskincare’s “All-In-One Facial Cleanser With Toner” – As soon as the days become shorter and the nights become cooler, my face begins to flake. This means I have to change my skin care routine to include a more gentle cleanser and a more enriched moisturizer. Of course, if Indian summer sneaks in, then I have to swap everything out again for the oil-slick stoppers. It’s such a pain. This cleanser might actually stop the game of musical skin care. It has a very odd consistency, almost like soft butter, but it cleans thoroughly without clogging pores or over drying skin. The longer you massage it onto you dry face, the more or a deep cleaning you’ll get. Felling dry?… rub it on for 10 seconds. Feeling oily?… rub it on for 30 seconds. It’s non-irritating, mildly scented and easily adaptable for the ever-changing weather of the season. It keeps my skin feeling soft and night tight at all.

 

  • Urban Decay Eye Shadow in “Gunmetal” – Smokey eyes are still the rage, and this shadow will give you just that with a little bling. This is THE perfect slate grey shade for Fall. In fact, Urban Decay is promoting it as a main ingredient for the “Glitter Over 40” look. (Okay, stop right there because I want it to be known I did not buy it for that reason. As far as anyone knows–except the clerk at DMV–I am 29… 32 max!) I’ve been looking for a great grey shade for a while now with no luck. Some were too light and many were almost onyx. This is a true dark smoky grey. What I also love is it is a bit sparkly. Yup, there is some glitter, but it is the perfect amount and doesn’t make your face look like a disco ball. It easily can be worn both day and night. Urban Decay’s shadows are a cult-favorite in the cosmetic industry with shades ranging from subtle to slammin’ and styles from matte to metallic. They contain very little binders and can be worn dry for casual wear or wet for a dramatic effect. I use “Gunmetal” as an accent lid color as well as a deep liner too.

 

  • Stila Lip Glaze in “Blackberry” – It is without hesitation that I think Stila Lip Glazes are the ultimate gloss in my cosmetic wardrobe. When I first discovered them this summer, I selected shades is sheer pastels (Grapefruit, Banana, Fig…ok, so I like fruit!) Now with closet filling up with cozy fabrics and colors, I wanted to add a nice rich neutral wine colored gloss to the collection but not have it look over the top with my red hair. “Blackberry” was exactly what I wanted. Nice scent and taste, and had a nice berry shade that worked well all by itself. It isn’t painfully dark, but has a warm purple tone to it. And of course the built-in brush tube is still the perfect applicator for me (once I mastered the click dispenser that is). FYI– the gloss is WAY darker in the package then it is on the lips so don’t be afraid to try!

 

  • Sephora by Opi Nailcolor in “Because I Said So” – Ok, admit it…don’t you just LOVE the names of Opi’s nail shades? I mean you have to just smile when you put on “I’m With Brad” or “It’s Somewhere In My Purse”. Since I had retired all my hot pink, coral, raging blue and tangerine polishes for the year, I was now in search of my first shade for Autumn. When I saw this shade on display, I immediately fell in love. This is a really deep metallic burgundy nail polish. It has a nice frost-shimmer to it and goes on true to the color in the bottle. Like all Opi polishes I’ve used in the past, it goes on smooth and even and dries quickly. Two coats and you are good to go. I’m glad Sephora and Opi took on this great relationship. I mean really…”How Cute Is That?” Oh wait, that’s a shade name too!

 

  • Philosophy’s Shampoo, Shower Gel & Bubble Bath in “Pumpkin Spice Muffin” – The name says it all. All those great fall aromas are blended together in one bottle to make bath time a scrumptious experience. The infamous Philosophy formula leaves your skin & hair clean, soft and hydrated. You’ll love the smell so much, you’ll wonder if there is any way to enjoy it all day long! Actually, you can… Philosophy also makes their Lip Shine in the same great flavor. Not only can you have the scent, but you can get the yummy taste as well!

 

Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love picking apples with my family, pressing colorful leaves from the trees in my backyard, and decorating my house in the rich warm tones of the Autumn. With these great little finds from Sephora, now I can pamper myself from head to toe while enjoying all the shades and scents the season has to offer.

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It’s Not A Writer’s Block…It’s Just Life.

20 Sep

Every day my husband asks me, “Did you do any new blogging today?” And for the past couple of weeks, I’ve pathetically say no. I think I have a writer’s block. I’ve heard about those. I shouldn’t feel bad. Even the greatest literary geniuses have hit the pen and ink brick wall. In fact, Earnest Hemmingway was once asked what was the most frightening thing he had ever encountered. His reply? “A blank piece of paper.”

It’s not that I don’t experience things I could write about. Hell, I’m a mom of two teenagers—a daughter 13 years old going on 23, and a son 15 years old going on 4. I’m the wife of a guy who will scream to me that we are out of coffee creamer, but is too lazy to move the gallon of milk to see that we actually have two left. I’m the daughter of a narcissistic mother whom I’ve realized, thanks to my therapist, won’t be happy till she’s on every prescription drug they advertise on TV because she thinks she’s entitled to be. I spend more time at doctors’ offices than I do at Sephora, Wal-Mart AND Office Maxx put together. And you don’t think I have anything I could talk about? Ha!

The thing is, I don’t think anyone would believe half the crap I could write about based on what I experience during one day of my life. I, myself, often think that what I see while out and about is nothing but a pilot for a really bad TV series that only shows up on the cable channels your remote can’t even reach. The phrase “Oh that did not just happen!” flashes through my head each day more often than the memories of my 80’s high school years complete with big hair, Jordache jeans and my “Foreigner 4” album.

For example, let’s take a flash view of the breakdown of my day today:

6:00am – Get up to make sure my children get on the school bus without someone losing an eye. The morning routine begins: daughter hogs bathroom, son yells for her to get out, daughter slams door on his knuckles, son threatens to pee on her backpack if she doesn’t hurry up, daughter comes to me whining that she wishes I could have given birth to another girl instead of her brother. I have to remind her that he was born first and it was out of my control. She grabs her still-dry backpack and her I-Pod and storms out of the house. My son pats me on the back, tells me I should have just stopped at one, and leaves as well. I grab a muffin and a Xanax and crawl back into bed.

9:00am – I wake up again from my drug-induced sleep to see husband has left for work. I know this because his spot on the bed has been replaced by a shower-wet bath towel and a pair of dirty boxers. Oh yeay. I pull my aching body out of bed and crawl into a shower myself to loosen up the sore shoulders and knees. On my way to the bathroom, I step on a clothes hanger. Curse words fly.

9:30am – I’m still in the shower. I plan on staying in here all day now. There is no one in the house to bother me except the four cats, one of which must need water because he’s licking the water drops that keep rolling down the shower door from the steam. I’m in my own personal heaven.

9:40am – I now have run out of hot water and must rinse the deep conditioner from my hair by jumping in and out of the ice cold spray. More curse words. My feet begin to turn purple from the cold water pooling around my ankles.

10:15am – I finish getting ready, grab my purse, car keys and sunglasses and head to the car. I start the car. I turn off car. I take the keys and go back in the house when I realize I forgot my cell phone. I grab the cell phone. I go back to the car. I start the car again. I turn off the car again . I take the keys and go back in the house when I realize I forgot my datebook. I grab the datebook. I go back to the car. I start car the car for the third time. I realize I forgot my bottle of water. Screw it. I sigh and drive off.

10:45am – I get to my doctor’s office to have a past ear infection checked. The nurse asks if I’m better. I lie and say yes. The nurse takes my temperature. I am told I have a fever of 101. Oh great. The doctor says my ear still looks bad. In fact, the other one is now infected AND my lungs are congested. I am given a handful of antibiotics, a cough medicine, and some funky looking teapot. I ask the doctor if I am supposed to use the teapot to soothe my aching body with a nice cup of chamomile before bed. He tells me that the “teapot” is actually for my nose, so I can squirt warm water and baking soda from it up one nostril and let it run like a faucet out the other to flush my sinuses of nasty toxins. Are you freaking kidding me? The last time I experienced something remotely close to what he had just described was in high school when my best friend liquefied cherry Jell-O in her mouth and I made her laugh hard causing it to shoot out of her nose and onto the back of the cutest guy in lunch, who just happened to be wearing a  white oxford shirt that day. The poor guy. Even to this day, I feel bad we did that to him. The receptionist schedules an appointment for me to come back in two weeks.and tells me to have a great afternoon. I give her a look that makes her so uncomfortable, she tells me I can keep the Viagra pen I was writing the check for my co-pay with. Nice…sick but still intimidating!

1:00pm – I arrive at my local Wal-Mart Super Center to pick up just the basics so my family can survive through the weekend till I’m feeling better to do “real shopping” on Monday. I begin my trip through the store by having an old woman drive up the back of my heel in the antacids department because she can’t see over the steering bar of the shopping cart. I grab Pepto for the house then back up to get a bottle of Motrin for the pain I now have in my foot. I head to the grocery department and see there is absolutely no line at the deli. I muster up the last bit of energy I have to make a mad dash to get sandwich meat for lunches. I am immediately cut off by a man in a sleeveless shirt that says “I Think Your Mom’s Hot”. He’s about 40. He looks at me, straightens his John Deere hat, sucks in his stomach and smiles. I have an urge to tell him my mom is 82 but I’m scared of the response I’ll get. I get all of my food and household items and make my way to the checkout lines. There are only two lanes open: the “15 items or less” aisle and the tobacco/Red Bull aisle. Even though I don’t smoke, my cart containing over 20 boxes of frozen foods alone exempts me from going to the short lane. I kill time by reading the latest headline about how Tom Cruise was abducted by aliens. I can’t help but overhear the woman in front of me on her cell phone talking to her BFF that she’s in Lane 19 and to meet here there so they can go outside for a smoke as soon as she’s done paying for her 40 packs of Ramen Noodles and a 12 pack of Bud. She begins to fight with her son, who I actually thought was her young boyfriend till he called her mom, never hanging up the phone on her BFF for a second. My head begins to pound, so I grab a Vitamin Water out of the nearby cooler and pop an Excedrin Migraine. The cashier tells me the bill for my “basics” comes to $168. I write her a check and pop a second Excedrin Migraine.

3:00pm – I get home, unpack the groceries and make myself lunch. Finally. While I heat up a hot pack for my now piercingly painful ear, I decide to call my mother. I should have waited for the migraine meds to kick in a bit more before I dialed the phone. This conversation was no different than any other daily check-in-with-mom phone call. “Hi mom…. yeah, I just got home from the doctor… oh, you’re sick too?… what’s wrong today?… you had that last week… oh, it’s different this week?… no, I don’t think my antibiotics will help with your new bout of diarrhea… maybe you should eat some applesauce… oh that gives you gas?…. I didn’t know that… gee, it’s nice that it is finally cooler outside… the cold weather makes your rosacea bad?… mom, I’ve gotta go. My husband is home from work early to help me stick hot pokers in my eyes… ummm, I said my husband is home early to help me fix the exercise ropes for my thighs… I’ll talk to you tomorrow mom.” I check the clock to see if I was able to take another Xanax. Dammit.

5:00pm – I officially declare my day has ended to all who are in the house, including the cats. I inform them that they are on their own for the rest of the night and I am not to be disturbed unless the house is ablaze  or someone is bleeding to death. I remind my daughter of the words “to death” so she won’t bother me for her daily eight Band-Aid hangnail injury. I take my medicine for my ear infection, grab an ice pack for my new Wal-Mart Achilles injury, and go upstairs to lay down in bed. As I begin to drift off to a nap, I hear my husband call out that he can’t find the ketchup in the refrigerator. I smile to myself as I hear my our daughter tell him, “If you aren’t on fire, don’t bother. She won’t answer.”

See? Nothing special to write about here. Just another boring day in the life of Sassy Auburn.

**UPDATE** – After my husband reviewed my latest post, he feared that people reading it would think I’m a chronic pill popper. I jokingly said “What stay-at-home mom isn’t?” He didn’t find that so funny. So, for the sake of my health, his reputation and our sanity, please make the following changes in the posting you just read:  a) replace all references to Xanax with the words “piece of fruit”; b) replace all mentions of the product “Excedrin Migraine” with the words “Tic-Tac”.  Thank you.

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Product Review: Make Up For Ever HD Microfinish Powder

6 Sep

HD Microfinish Powder

By Make Up For Ever

Price: $30 @ Sephora or Sephora.com

Item Description: from Sephora.com:

What it is:
A universal translucent finishing powder to be applied over foundation or worn alone.

What it does:
Sets the foundation and slightly matifies skin without changing its natural contours. This 100% mineral silica powder softens the appearance of imperfections. Completely evens out the complexion for a glowing, radiant look. One universal shade for all skin tones.

What else you need to know:
It’s completely translucent and goes on any skintone. Its talc-free formula does not dry the skin and is formulated with 100% silica. Dermatologically tested.

Things I like: White in color but goes on translucent so it doesn’t change the color of the foundation/skin; good for all skin tones; talc- and cornstarch-free; very fine—not heavy or sticky; easy-to-use sifter jar; a little goes a long way

Things I don’t like: Price seems high, but since you use so little it’s a good long-term investment

Rankings:

Packaging Design: 5 out of 5

Portability/Convenience: 4 out of 5

Wearability: 5 out of 5

Shade/Color Variety: n/a

Value: 5 out of 5

Overall Rating: (scale of 1=worse to 10=best)  9.5

Likely To Buy It Again? Absolutely!

Here’s my imitation of a SassyAuburn Infomercial:

“Have you ever put on your foundation and want to “set it” with a touch of powder then realized the powder just changed the color of your foundation & skin? Do you have a nice complexion but can’t find a finishing powder that’s colorless so it won’t change your look? Do you notice the powder you use looks like pancake batter on your oily skin in less than 2 hours? Does you powder sit on top of your skin, sticking to each little hair and fuzz like wet snow sticks to a tree branch in Winter? If so then do I have the product for YOU!!!!!”

As a Sephora Insider (which, honestly, is just another name for a Sephora Shop-a-holic), I got an email about this product about a month before it was released to the public. With a small purchase from sephora.com, this deluxe sized sample was available to me to try and review. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I had just changed foundations (went from a liquid to a true powder mineral foundation), and was looking for that little bit of sheer powder to set everything up when I was finished with my makeup application. In the past, me and pressed powders have not got along. Me and loose powders have gotten along even less. With my oily skin, large pores, hormonally baby-fuzzy face, and paler than pale skin, powder was an impossibility in my glamour drawer. Pressed powders got that nasty oil film on top after a couple of weeks. Loose powders made me look like a fuzzy pumpkin since the only shades they seem to come in turned my face orange. Plus, anyone who is part of a professional photo shoot—in front of or behind the camera—knows the #1 product on the set is powder. And lots of it. I needed one…and fast!

I love the way Make Up For Ever’s HD Microfinish Powder makes my skin look and feel. It’s super fine and translucent so it doesn’t matter how old, how young, how dry, how oily, how light or how dark your skin is—it will work. It doesn’t “sit” in or on any fine lines or large pores, so it gives you an even, velvet-like finish. And because it is doesn’t have talc or cornstarch in it, it won’t turn cakey on your face if you sweat or get oily. It’s great if you have sensitive skin and it won’t clog your pores. And if you have slightly dry skin, it won’t make you look like you have fish scales for a complexion. It won’t change the color of your foundation or skin, or even take away from any blush you might already have on. And you do NOT need a lot! I lightly dust it on with a standard foundation brush to avoid it sticking to my face and making me look like a Chia Pet. You can also dust it on with a big powder brush as well. And its stay power? Awesome! Very seldom to I have to touch up my makeup during the day when I use my HD Microfinish powder. And that’s saying something.

I got my deluxe sample at the end of March, and I’m not quite done with it yet. Cool huh?

Don’t strain a brain cell trying to find a loose or pressed powder that matches your foundation, or that doesn’t make you feel like you have an extra three layers of makeup on after you apply it. Go sheer, go colorless, go lightweight, go High Def…go to Sephora (because they have the exclusive contract for it!) and get a jar for a fabulous “photo-finish” for your face!!

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Sassy’s “Top 10 Beauty Tips” (August, 2008)

27 Aug

When it comes to humor, I think the one-liner joke is severely underappreciated. They are timeless and tacky but always remembered. “Men are like parking spaces—all the good ones are taken.” “If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless?” “What is invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.” Priceless! Simply priceless! “Take my husband….please!” Okay, you get the idea.

Sometimes I feel like I am the Henny Youngman of beauty tips. I have many that are short, sweet and right to the point. It probably is the only time I have the ability to give suggestions and opinions in less than 10 seconds too. Of course, after I throw in my two cents under fifty words, I can only hope someone will respond with a “Why?” so I can then talk for 10 minutes giving a detailed explanation that would put most men into REM sleep.

Today you will find the first of my “Top 10 Beauty Tips” that I have personally found to be priceless to my beauty routine. They aren’t just given lip service here… they all have been or are being used by myself at some time or right now. Plus you will see that whenever possible, I will try to avoid suggesting a specific name-brand product too. I’m not here to promote the sales of any specific item. Well, unless I am paid to put in some shameless product placement plug to generate me some coin. Then a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. But primarily, my duty is to just bring you great ideas because I get great joy to reach out and touch someone. (Cha-ching!)

  1. Apply your body lotion, cream or butter when you get out of the shower while your skin is still damp. Don’t dry off completely! The oils in the body lotions will help seal in the waters and keep your skin hydrated AND moisturized!
  2. Enjoy those long hot showers in the morning? Remember to splash your face at the sink with cool water after you get out and before you begin putting on your makeup. You want to make sure you close your pores so the makeup doesn’t “sink” into them.
  3. Witch hazel is a fabulous toner for normal /combo skin. Diluted (with distilled water) apple cider vinegar is a perfect toner for oily skin.
  4. Whenever possible, put your under eye concealer on with a specially designed brush. The bristles help fill in any lines and creases and the long handle of the brush helps to prevent any heavy-handed tugging around the eye area.
  5. Sweet almond oil should be a staple on your bathroom counter! It’s great for moisturizing your lips, face, cuticles and hands. It also has scar reducing properties for face imperfections and doesn’t clog pores for those that are acne prone.
  6. Got yourself a great eye cream? Make sure you use a little of it each night before bed around the edges of your lips. The fine lines around your eyes are very similar to the ones around your mouth.
  7. Moisturize and exfoliate your lips at the same time. Mix 1 teaspoon olive oil with 1 teaspoon white granulated sugar. Place mixture in a small sample or cosmetic jar and into lips for a minute each night. Gently wipe off any excess sugar with a soft towel.
  8. Don’t throw out an old banana! Once the skin on the fruit has turned dark brown, mash it up in a bowl till it’s almost creamy like pancake batter. Spread it all over your cleaned face at bedtime and let it set for 10 minutes then rinse with warm water. Bananas are one of nature’s best anti-aging foods!
  9. Feet tired? Take a bag of dollar-store marbles and put them in the freezer. Fill a basin with cool water. Add your favorite foot soak (or just drop in two Alka-Seltzers and a slice of lemon or a sprig of fresh mint) and put the frozen marbles into the basin. Sit back and roll your feet on the marbles for about 15 minutes. Ahhhhh.
  10. Your pillowcase is not your washcloth. Always always always take ALL of your makeup off before bedtime. Someone once told me that if you sleep with your makeup on, it will prematurely age your skin by ten days. I have no idea if that is true, but even if it was only by ten seconds, that’s ten seconds too much for me!

The list isn’t seasonal, but the tips are “must knows” and will be the basis for other lists to come. Like any good house, it all starts with a good foundation. Now that I think about it, so is a good glamour look!

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When Enough Just Isn’t Enough….

23 Aug

Shopping is better than sex.

If you’re not satisfied after shopping

you can make an exchange

for something you really like.

~ Adrienne Gusoff

This past winter was the season from hell for me. I was pretty much sick from February through June with some sort of allergy-induced virus. For four months, my life revolved around Benadryl, nose sprays, vitamin C and boxes of lotioned tissues. In addition to developing a sensitivity to just about everything that grew or pooped in my backyard, I also developed sensitivity to most of the cosmetics in my bathroom. I was afraid to smooth, scrub, lather or line any part of my face or body. The skin care and glamour items that I had used without problem for almost five years were now the on ramp to the irritation highway. I began a new quest for products that would keep my skin illuminating instead of inflamed.

After endless trials and tribulations, samples and specimens, I managed to replace each irritating item in my daily routine with something that didn’t turn me into a spokes model for “Hives R Us”. Of course, to do this wasn’t cheap. Most of the products I found were high-end items designed for sensitive skin. Almost all had to be free of common fillers that were the new enemy to my overactive allergies. I did, however, discover recipes to make my own cleansers, exfoliators and moisturizers out of natural ingredients found in my own kitchen. I was able to save a few coins with my diluted vinegar toner but of course I had to turn around and invest them back into things like finely ground, talc-free mineral foundation. But for the sake of youthful itch-free skin, it was worth it.

Now that I had a skin care routine mastered with products that were perfect, I should be happy. Right? Ummmm, kind of. See, it’s in a woman’s nature not to be satisfied when it comes to shopping. We could save a hundred dollars on a clearance-sale dress for a party and then spend that savings plus fifty more on a new pair of shoes, lip gloss, eyeliner and perfume to accessorize. Heaven knows we all have THE perfect lipstick in our drawer. It matches every outfit, makes our lips feel like satin, stays on for hours, and never goes out of style. So if this precious tube is everything we ever wanted in a lipstick, why do we have 20 others? Some are too dark, too dry, too sparkly or too blah. Some we’ve never even broke the safety seal on! So why do we have them? Because at the time we found them, we justified a need for them. Each and every one of them. All women do this. I admit it, I do this. And I do it often. No jury needed….guilty as charged.

The advertising departments of the major cosmetic companies are trained to target the hard-core makeup shopping junkies such as myself. They know we are way past the gateway drugs of the 99 cent lip glosses and need-to-burn eyeliners and they tease our senses with brightly colored polishes and packages to lure us into their circle. We know what we have on our bathroom counter is good enough. In fact it’s probably better than good enough. But still we yearn for more. We want the rush of discovering something new and fabulous, and being the first to do so amongst our friends. We want to be the one to find the new solve-all, fix-all glam item of the century. This was evident today as I flipped through a copy of my latest fashion magazine and discovered a well-known cosmetic company had come out with a new line of cleansers and foundations. My heart began to beat erratically as I read about the new state-of-the-art ingredients in their fast-paced, anti-aging formulas that were shown to stop the hands of time. Oh heavens. Gimme gimme gimme. I mean, I knew what I had at home was perfectly fine. It worked exactly how I wanted it to. And it didn’t turn me into a piece of red flannel. So why was I planning on rushing out of the dentist’s office where I was reading this article, across the street to the local drug store, and buy stuff I did not need whatsoever? Because I’m a woman!!!!

Ten minutes, two makeup products, one bag, and one credit card receipt later, my latest fix and I were driving for home. It was just like a scene out of “Intervention”. I left my laptop and purse in the car, and rushed into the house with my little baggie of goodies. I spoke to no one, ran directly into the bathroom and locked the door. It was time to “use”. I first grabbed the innovative cleanser and held the bottle in my hands. I inhaled the scent of the new drug, and rubbed it around in my hands. Ahhhhh. This was good. Every wrinkle, every line, every problem would be gone with just a squirt and a scrub. I lathered up my face, stared in the mirror, and enjoyed the rush. I splashed my skin clean and enjoyed the fresh feeling of my newly rejuvenated face. Then I took out the new foundation that I was convinced was going to be so great, it would be nominated for Nobel Prize. I played with the packaging and applied it with sheer precision. I stepped away from the mirror and admired these life-changing products with a smile a mile wide. I was in awe, and I had made it happen. I looked good. Well, I thought I looked good. Because whether it be in life or in the cosmetic aisle…”love is blind.”

I exited the bathroom, feeling like America’s Next Top Model. I was a stunning, wrinkle-free woman. Hear me roar! As I saw my husband standing in front of the microwave, I couldn’t help but toss my hair and give him a sexy grin as I struck a pose. And he immediately responded to my self-proclaimed Cosmopolitan-like look. “Geesh, you look sick. You’re pale. What did you do to your face? You makeup looks like ass. Are you doing something new?” NOOOOOO! This was not the response I was looking for! Where were the flawless-gorgeous-timeless comments I was told I would get in the ad? This isn’t possible!! When I told him what I had done and what I had bought, he told me I had made a mistake. A big mistake. Even before I could tell him that he obviously knew nothing about what was en vogue and high tech, he called for our daughter. Because he knew I was going to tell him he was a fashion-clueless male, and he was right. He knew I would need a female’s opinion to back him up. Now my daughter is a thirteen year-old glamour guru. She is the girl whom I taught to be smart and not to do or buy anything on impulse. Ouch. He asked her “How does mommy’s makeup look?” She got close to my face. REALLY close. For twenty seconds I stood there while she inspected me like Number 14 inspects your underwear. Then, after an uncomfortable silence she gave me the devastating blow. ““Your face is getting red and blotchy. And I see wrinkles. And your pores are huge.” With no expression, she just turned and left me in a daze. My legs got weak and I had to sit down. This can’t be happening. How could this be? Sigh. That’s what I get. I had cheated on my makeup with a (not so) cheap fling. I fell hook, line and sinker for the “new kid on the block”. Why did I stray? Why did I think the skin was softer on the other side of the fence?

I sulked back to the bathroom and collected my thoughts… and my new products. I put them back in their little bag and threw in my receipt so I could return them to the store. I hung my head in shame. And what was worse was I knew deep down this probably wouldn’t be the last time I let my glamour regulars down. Why? Because we are fickle. We are women. And just like it’s a man’s nature to hunt, it’s our nature to shop. At that moment, I looked over at the bathroom counter and saw my regular cleanser and foundation staring at me in a hurtful way. I’m sure they were wondering if they could ever trust me again. I couldn’t even look at them with those other substandard products on my face. I turned on the faucet and began to wipe the slate clean. Literally. As I eliminated all traces of the facial affair, I promised myself to be true and loyal to those who have been there for me… through the good and the brash.

Well, at least until the next supermodel tells me her new lipstick will make me the next Gloria Steinem.

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Cosmetic Review: Stila Lip Glaze

13 Aug

Stila Lip Glaze

By Stila Cosmetics

Price: $22 at Sephora.com and Sephora retail stores

Item Description:

What it is: An ultra-high shine lip gloss in a nifty click pen.

What it does: Stila’s ever-popular lip glaze is back in action with larger pens (twice the size of the original) guaranteed to keep your lips glossier, longer. The gloss gives lips a punch of color and adds a delicious scent. Whatever sweet flavor you are in the mood for, it is sure to be found in this collection of classic shades.

Things I like: High gloss shine; moisturizing; long wear; tons of awesome shades and flavors; pen-style applicator with “clicking” dispenser; built-in brush.

Things I don’t like: A little steep in price; twistable dispenser takes a while to master, but once you do you’ll love it.

Rankings:

Packaging Design: 5 out of 5

Portability/Convenience: 5 out of 5

Wearability: 5 out of 5

Shade/Color Variety: 5 out of 5

Value: 4 out of 5

Overall Ranking (on a scale from 1 – 10): 9.5

Likely To Buy It Again? Absolutely

Why?

When it comes to shine, this might be the product that all others will look up to. I can see why Stila called this a glaze and not just a gloss. It’s thick like a melted frosting and makes your lips shine like a newly waxed car! I could see the thickness being a problem for some, as it is a hair and fuzz magnet. But that’s what makes it extra super shiny and moisturizing. I love the fact there is a color and flavor for every mood and style I have. Now that it is summer, I’m enjoying the Banana and Grapefruit shades the most. I can see that fall might entice me to pick up the Brown Sugar and Plum colors. I personally prefer a lip gloss with a brush rather than a spongie applicator. I think the spongies can get nasty if they are used over different lipsticks. The brushes seem to be more precise and put more product on instead of taking existing colors off like the spongie applicators do. This price is a little higher than what I have used in the past. But I have to say, I use these glazes much more frequently because I like how they look and feel so it only makes sense I am getting my money’s worth. I can see how lip glosses can be a personal preference selection, but I will definitely put Stila Lip Glaze at the top of my list. It’s a must have glamour item that goes with me everywhere, every day!

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Perfume: The Smell or the “Scent”?

9 Aug

I received a sample of a new perfume while visiting my make-up heaven a while back. I’m very hesitant to try new perfumes because I’m very particular about what I like. I generally have a cologne rule of thumb: if it smells like ass in the bottle to my nose, then it probably is going to smell like ass on my skin. This sample, however, was right up my alley. I tend to lean towards fruity, crisp, light scents and this had a tone of fresh summer berries to me. It wasn’t like wearing a fruit cobbler, but it was sassy and summery. I wore the sample for a week and decided to invest in a small bottle.

Most women will say they have their “signature scent” and wear the same perfume every day. I think women who do this are boring. I’m not like that at all. I tend to match my perfumes to different things: weather, mood, clothes, occasion. I don’t have a ton of fragrances, but enough to change it up when I feel like it. Keep it interesting, I say. I feel the same about men’s scents too. Don’t bore me with the repetitive “in” fragrance of the year. Keep me curious. I once dated a guy who wore Polo Green, every day, by the handful, for our entire relationship. We dated for over 5 years. And yes, it was in the eighties. To this day, I cannot smell that cologne on a man without my stomach turning every time. It may be from the memories of big hair and gummy bracelets. But I’m leaning towards the Polo.

When it comes to perfume advertising, I have noticed that all of the ads in the media portray perfume to be the “missing link” to a connection with the opposite sex. Smell good? Get lucky. Rub this here? Get rubbed there. The industry even “teaches” us to put spritz cologne where our bathing suit covers! Fashionably, perfume is similar to clothing. You wear it as a reflection of your style. It’s no different than wearing your favorite jeans, your sexiest top, your designer shoes, or your Fredericks’ unmentionables. And honestly, who do you want to notice your fashion statement more than anyone? My guess is male prospective possibilities! Think about it. You’ll pour yourself into a pair of pants and know you won’t be able to sit all night just to make your butt look good for the bartender of your favorite club. You’ll jam your blistered toes into a pair of pumps that are as comfortable as wearing tomato soup cans on your feet just so you can strut for the executive who sits by the window of the coffee shop that you pass each day. You’ll do all that for someone else’s attention. But this is where perfume veers off the fashion highway. Ultimately, who is the first person who will think you are sexier because of your new scent? The guy who is numb to anything except the smell of mojitos? The java junkie whose senses are steamed and frothed? Nope.

You.

Go out and get a new perfume that you are just dying to have. Watch and see how you act after you put on your new aroma. Maybe you’ll put your lipstick on a little darker. Or you will make your eyes look a little more smoldering. Maybe you’ll smile a little more flirtatiously. Or you will have a slight swank to your step. Now you take that aura that is newly surrounding you to the streets. You’ll notice people noticing you. They glance longer at you from across a room. They do the infamous “double take” as you walk though the market. They smile at you…just because! What is it? What’s new? Is it because you smell different? Nope. It’s because you are giving off a new “scent”. A scent of self confidence. A scent of assurance. A scent of sexiness.

“Happiness is like perfume. You can’t give it away without getting a little on yourself.” – Anonymous. When it comes to feeling sexy, there is a fine line between the enticing smell your perfume gives off and the seductive “scent” you emit yourself. You owe it to yourself to cross that line. Dare to put yourself out there and own the sexiness that only you can feel with a scent you love!

(By the way? The perfume I recently ordered and almost attacked my UPS man for was Escada’s Moon Sparkle.  He had no clue what was in the box, but I guarantee you he wanted to know!!)

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